I am not your traditional mom who stays at home, washes the dishes, irons the clothes, teaches my kids after school and …well,the list goes on. (you get it right?)
I am one of those moms who need to work twice as much because apart from the dirty dishes, we need to earn and settle the bills.
Here’s a secret, though. I wanted to quit my jobs to focus on being a traditional mom… And this feeling often happens. I wanted to take such role because I am certain on how exhausting yet fulfilling it is to be one.
If only I have an option.
If only I can relax and stop all the expenses.
Reality check, in cases like mine, we need to hustle because as clichè as this may sound, money doesn’t grow on trees.
Sad to say, there are still closed-minded people who believe we are incapable of becoming good moms just because we are holding reports and not pans most of the time.
I have few questions to those who belittle working moms.
-Why is it so easy for you to tell that a mother is lazy if she opted to work in front of the laptop and not in front of the stove?
-Why do you judge moms as if they are incompetent when they can’t fold shirts and iron pants?
– Why do you give them looks of disapproval just because they can’t regularly review the kids from school?
– Why can’t you understand that we have different lives and in our case, we need to work to survive?
I say, stop branding us ‘Lazy’ or even ‘good for nothing’ just because we don’t fit your description of being a mother. We salute the hands-on moms, but you need to know that it is not easy being a working mom too. We have our own battles and the least we can do is to support each other and to not drag us down just because of our differences.
It’s about time to celebrate all kinds of mothers whether she’s wearing a bun, or sporting a purple hair.
When I became a mom and my son started going to school, I already created a mindset that I wouldn’t push them to get skyrocketing grades. What matters to me is that they learn, they do what they do best, and that their social behaviour develops properly.
Why am I writing this post?
I know some parents would push and sometimes force their kids to get good grades. While there is nothing wrong about having great grades on the report card, I sometimes feel that as parents, we should allow our kids to enjoy school, most especially in the first years. Forcing them to get straight As at the age of 4 or 5 is never going to be fun! Except if your kids really show the interest in such.
Where am I coming from?
Let’s backtrack a bit and you know, give you an idea where I am coming from.
I used to be grade conscious. I remember being one of the top students in the class, crying over an 86/95 score in an exam. It wasn’t healthy. For me, my ultimate goal was to get good grades, and not to learn. Obviously, that’s not a good motivation.
Ask yourself again, “Why would you go to school?”
If you answered, to get good grades’, I sincerely think that it is a shallow reason.
Going back, I got tired of it and come 3rd grade, I was not included in the honor list.
For a 9 year – old, the world shattered.
And then 4th Grade Started
For some reason, I felt that I was quite mature for my age. At the age of 10, I told myself that I wouldn’t force myself to get high grades. Instead, I decided NOT to stress myself on academics and just focus on things where I am good at.
I was good at speaking and singing. I have bagged awards year after year (and I think my batchmates were already tired of hearing me sing). Kasi even the national anthem during the flag ceremony, ako na yung kumakanta! Anyway, I even represented my school in big speaking competitions and won. Trust me, it wasn’t your usual competition where you’d already know your standing. It was hard and it was months of preparation. I knew I was good at it, so I worked my arse! Yabang noh?
Point is, I knew back then that the school is much more than Science and Math or whatever subjects we had. I was a firm believer that we have different kinds of intelligence. Mine was a bit more on the artsy side, you know – music, linguistic and interpersonal intelligence. Sometimes I wonder why I got in the Science Curriculum section. Brad, yung mga classmates ko sobrang talino! Haha
I don’t want to make this post very long because I have a call in 30 minutes and I need to finish my reports. Again, I’ve seen parents getting sad because their kids were not able to make it in the top list. But for me, we have to show them that grades are not the gauge for success. You have to set an example that you believe in them, regardless if they get a 100 or a 75. For me, the traditional schools can measure a minute part of one’s intelligence. But boy, the world is so big and your kids have so much to offer.
From there, see which areas your kids are good at. Then hone it.
Imagine this, they are improving their skills, while enjoying their childhood. Don’t torture them by feeding things which they are not yet ready to swallow. Although, I suggest that you help them create a study habit. Ah, which reminds me, can you help me with this one?
I am a self- confessed Cosmo.PH reader and I always see these ‘Struggles of [insert whatever]’ articles. It’s fun to read, right? And that’s when it hit me. I can make my own list of ‘Struggles of Being a Young Mom in the Philippines’. These are based on my personal experiences, and of course, some were stolen from my hot momma friends out there.
Friends, I will try to sound ‘Cosmo.PH – ish’ so bear with me. This post will contain a mix of Tagalog, English, jargon and a bucket of sarcasm. Do not get offended! I repeat, DO NOT GET OFFENDED. But don’t worry, I’ll try to give my ‘good’ responses too.
Ready? I’m sure young moms can relate.
“Ang aga mo naman naglandi?”
Landi agad? Can’t it be, I was in love, we made love, I got pregnant? Judgemental nito. Malinis ka?
The good ‘BA’ in me will respond : “I wouldn’t say ‘landi’. I just chose to continue this. I’ve been hearing a lot of abortion stories. That’s worse di ba? This is a gift. It just so happens that I got mine earlier than most people. Besides, pag laki nito – tropa kami! Cool. ”
Ewan ko lang kung hindi pa tumiklop yang ateng na yan!
2. “Hindi kayo gumamit ng contraceptive?”
“Teh, hindi ba obvious?”
The good ‘BA’ in me will respond : “I’m glad we didn’t. Oh tignan mo naman mga anak ko, pang commercial mowdels. ”
3. “Bakit gumigimik ka pa? Sino nagbabantay sa mga anak mo?”
“Bawal? Sino may sabi? Ay ano, kelangan magkulong ako sa bahay? Yung totoo, kailan ka ba ipinanganak – kanina lang?”
The good ‘BA’ in me will respond : “Not really gimik, but it’s part of my job being in sales. I have to mingle with people. Besides, I’m very lucky my parents are there for me. Hindi naman gimik ang pinunta ko dito, baka makabenta pa ako ng bahay sa inyo. Chos! Saka beh, kagagaling ko lang sa meeting, dinner lang pinunta ko dito – hindi beer. Pero sige, CHEERS!”
Disclaimer : Friends, hindi naman sa lahat ng oras bebentahan ko kayo ng bahay. Don’t worry. Minsan nasisingit ko lang. Naiintindihan nyo naman diba? Laban – para sa ekonomiya! 🙂 Makakatulong pa kayo sa mga anak ko. Don’t forget to like my REAL ESTATE PAGE. Sorry na.
4. “Ang bata pa ng mga anak mo, sa bahay ka na lang muna. Wag ka muna magtrabaho”
“Ever heard of work – from – home jobs? Libre kita, gusto mo? ”
The good ‘BA’ in me will respond : “Thank you for your concern, pero I’m working from home. I just go out if I have client meetings. Again, I’m lucky to have supportive parents. Pero I can bring my kids with me. Minsan lang naaawa ako sa bus ride nila.”
Yes, I work from home and I have like what, 4 jobs – and counting. Pwede ba?
5. “Nanay ka na, ganyan pa ang suot mo?”
“E bakit ikaw, ang losyang mo?”
Because moms can look this good! Oh, I smell insecurity over there. Maalingasaw na!
The good ‘BA’ in me will respond : “Thank you” ganyan lang kasimple, and then I will walk away with all smiles. Let her see how people turn their heads to have a second glance.
6. “So kelan ka ikakasal?”
Ate Jodi, pahiram ng line ha. “E kayo, kelan kayo mamamatay?”
The good ‘BA’ in me will respond : “My priority right now are my kids.”
Oh pak! Pang Ms. Universe.
Dear young moms, I’m sure you have heard one of these statements from other people. In this world, there are some who are insensitive. You can’t blame them. Sometimes, we are judgmental too. Tigilan mo na yan, please. 😉
Unfortunately, you can’t do anything about how they talk or how they think. We have different upbringing and environment and that may have affected our behavior. What you can control is HOW YOU RESPOND to those. Keep calm and classy, and just shove it off.
You are beautiful, you are responsible, and not all young people can carry the weight of responsibility we have right now. From one young mom to another young mom – Congrats, and you are doing a great job!
Teh, inggit lang yang mga yan kasi sa PTA meetings tayo ang pinaka PAK! Ganern.
Last weekend, the world celebrated Mother’s Day. My friends and relatives sent me their messages and it felt nice. But what stopped me was when my daughter asked me this, “Mom, why is Happy Mother’s Day – HAPPY?” It sounded funny but it made a lot of sense and that gave me an idea for this post.
Mother’s Day is Happy because —- most of the time we get a day – off. But no, this post isn’t about the day per se, but the reasons why it’s FUN to be a MOM.
You’d have a Better Perspective in Life
Having kids will help you become more optimistic. You try to shoo away negative thoughts, simply because you want your kids to see the beauty in everything – at least when they are still kids. 🙂
You Become More Courageous
When you become a mom, it automatically levels up your courage. It’s as if you can do anything to protect your kids. It’s as if you can literally block a bullet just to save the little ones.
You Become Selfless
When I was younger, I would spend my money on clothes or other personal things. But now, all my wants will go to the last of my shopping list. Of course the necessities like milks and diapers will always be on the top. But you know, I’d rather buy a cute dress for my daughter or a new toy for my son rather than have new shoes for myself. Surprisingly, I don’t feel bad about it. In fact, it feels the other way around. Maybe that’s really how it goes, right? You can’t be happy if what you are doing is solely for yourself. But if you do things for other people, and you see that you are sharing the happiness, then that doubles that feeling. I hope I am making sense.
Gives More Meaning to Your Life
You see, when you are working and your motivation is for other people, that gives more meaning to your life. And that pushes you even more. The fact that someone will be affected by your actions is also the reason you always want to be at your best.
I am not saying that you can only have the above improvements in your life when you become a mom. I think all turning points in life will have its own contribution. But for me, I had these changes when I started growing my baby bump.