Being a single mom isn’t easy.
Heck, being a mom per se is already hard.
So, can you just imagine if you are – gulp – single?
Anyway, while it is not technically a ‘walk in the park’ to raise and support my kids on my own, I sure learned a lot of valuable lessons while in the process. And you know what, I actually enjoy being one.
What I Learned from being a Single Mom
There are a lot of challenges when you are a single mom. There’s, of course, the financial side. Can you just imagine having one body and working your arse off for your two kids – who are by the way, both in school? Here’s the thing, we can all survive. But thriving is a different story.
I was always ambitious and I want to give the best for my kids. Thus, I learned to prioritize. I learned how to eliminate unnecessary expenses such as ‘TOO MUCH 7-11 and MC DONALD’S DATE’ in order to send them to a good school. I learned how to cut off my ‘social – life’ allowance, so we can spend more on hotel staycations. I decided not to have cable TV, so we can spare money for more activities.
Twice Thrice As Much
Most of the time, people would ask me if I solely support my kids. For almost a year, yes. But I am already in talks with their father so we can split the cost. But you know, child support is a different story and you can find another post from here.
A side note though. If you can patch things with the father of your kids, please do so. Do not be selfish and give your kids the liberty of having fun memories with their dad. This doesn’t mean you need to be together. But as much as possible, be civil.
Let’s go back, shall we?
When you are a single mom, you become open to all sorts of jobs and sidelines. And when people ask me what I do for a living, trust me, I actually don’t know where to start. Let me give you a quiz and can you guess what my job really is?
a. I am a proofreader
b. I am an online writer
c. I am a virtual assistant
d. I am a host
e. I am a corporate trainer
f. I am a real estate broker
If you answered just one, or two, or three, you are definitely wrong.
If you answered all – DING DING DING DING, you got it right!
It’s good that I like doing a lot of things. But you know what, it can be pretty exhausting. Like what I do with my budget, I prioritize. I maximize my time, and I organize my tasks in such a way that I will have only few backlogs.
Does it work?
However, if given a chance, I will just leave 2 jobs and focus on those. I am thinking about being a host/ corporate trainer and real estate broker. However, while these 2 give me the biggest chunk of savings, these aren’t ‘regular’. Until such time that my days are filled with hosting stints and huge sales, I still need to take on the other jobs. 🙂 It’s all good. All good.
Warning: If you are going to take that path, you know – multiple jobs, there will be days that you will get drained. It will take a toll on your emotional state. When that happens, try to assess yourself. Is it still healthy? Are you still spending quality time with your kids? If no – drop it.
Dropping my High Ego
If you don’t know me, I have a strong personality (that’s what other people tell me), and I’ve got such a skyrocketing ego (this is both a blessing and a curse). I had that attitude that I can do anything without help. THAT IS SOOOOOO WRONG!
I need help. While it’s not really about money, I needed help with a lot of things.
a. Who’s going to look after my kids when I am out?
My family is very supportive. I couldn’t emphasize this enough in my posts. It’s easy for me to schedule client meetings and to accept hosting gigs because I know that there will be someone to look after my kids.
For those who can’t leave their homes to work, you can always get an online job. If you want to know how, I can help you. 🙂
b. How can I raise my kids properly?
I consider myself in the early stages of parenting. And boy, I suck at it. I needed help from the seasoned ones so I can be guided. Of course, there are old parenting ways that I disapprove of, but that’s also a way for me to learn how to have my own parenting style.
In addition, it’s a challenge for me to raise my son as he is looking for a father – figure. I am lucky to have my father and my brother to fill in that spot. And again, it’s good that their father is now more open to spending time with them.
Last words: Being a single mom can be bearable if you have a personal system in place – and a strong support system. At first, it can be overwhelming, nonetheless – extremely rewarding.
P.S. Few days from now, my kids and I will be on stage for their recognition day. My kids will receive a handful of medals and while I do not gauge their skills based on the academic achievements alone, these little things mean so much.
To all parents, most especially single moms or single dads – Congratulations. You are doing a great job.