In some areas, I’m doing fine. I’m doing well with my writing job, hitting quotas almost every month. Plus, I’m engaging myself more in Real Estate. Hopefully I’d make a nice sale in the upcoming months. But in general, I still feel incomplete. And for that reason, I had to step back to keep things in perspective.
A month ago, sadness hit me bad. Hence, I was a bit silent and didn’t have the guts to write for my blog. After all, I want this to be filled with positive memories. But I did something which I never did before – booked an overseas flight out of impulse.
You know that feeling when you just keep on holding your chest just because it feels heavier by the minute? I used to be brave and tried to face challenges head on. However, it was different last time. I decided I needed to leave – so I left.
By the third week of April, I flew to Singapore. Prior my flight, I asked a good friend of mine, Philip Gejon, if he could adopt me. I couldn’t thank you enough friend. You made my stay amazing! I was already feeling better but decided to push through with the trip. It was new to me – you know, to travel on my own and not joining a group.
I didn’t want to tell you about my itinerary because most probably, you already know where to go to. But I will tell you my insights while I traveled on my own – with just my trusty monopod, which by the way I got for free from Philip’s friend. Thanks!!! 🙂
I am not a fan of public transportation in the Philippines. I know how to, but will always roll my eyes after reaching my destination. I’m sure I’m not the only one. So when Philip instructed me to take the train to get to a ‘Hop on – Hop Off’ bus, I had to write his instructions down! He trusted me so well, but deep inside I wanted to take the cab. Had it been less expensive, I would. Luckily, I made it. It was darn easy and I enjoyed the view, even while standing up the entire trip.
And then I saw toddlers inside the train. I couldn’t help but imagine my kids’ faces if they were with me. My son – he would ask so many questions about the train which I had no answers. My daughter – her eyes would definitely widen because of amazement. It would be very convenient to bring them there and take the train. After all, the scenario was far more different from our MRTs here.
Before I reached my first destination, I was already missing my kids. But I was there already, might as well enjoy the time alone, right? RIGHT.
Lunch at Clarke Quay
I decided to have lunch at Clarke Quay. I attempted to take ‘decent’ photos with the monopod which you can see from the below. I tried – really. 🙂 As I was having my lunch alone, I imagined my parents eating with me. I imagined us talking about our last international trip as a family. Well, that was more than a decade ago. I was still 11 or 12 then. After that, we went on trips – separately.
On that bus ride and some long walks on Singapore’s clean streets, I thought about what happened to me these past few years.
What have I become?
Have I been better? Or have I changed into someone for the wrong reasons?
Let’s talk about 3 aspects, 1) me as a mom 2) me as a career person 3) me as a partner *gulp*
BA the Mommy
In terms of becoming a mom, I think I have improved a lot. I mean, if you compared it to what I was few years ago, I can say that I have stepped a notch higher. I am still trying to be as hands-on as I could get, but of course, it will take time as I still have few more things to settle. Some people, even my family would think that I still need to exert more effort, but I can only do so much in a span of 5 months. Good news is – there’s no way but UP. I will be the best mom that I could be. Just give it time. 🙂 I’m quite positive about this.
BA the Career Woman
Let’s talk about my career. I think I’m taking it real slow. I was pretty enjoying my writing job but I need to earn more. That means, I will have to focus and spend more time with Real Estate. By the way, I’m reactivating my old Real Estate Blog and its Facebook page. I hope you get to see that too and share it.
BA the ‘Partner’
Now, as for the matters of the heart, which by the way I am not an expert with as of the moment, I decided to just park it for now. I have to admit, I changed some things about myself in order to please other people. Note to self: never to do it again. Anyway, I don’t want to expect anything, I don’t want to wait. It will come, eventually. Besides, my love for the kids should be enough. Isn’t that right?
So you see, I have many ‘hats’ but there is no doubt that I should prioritize my ‘mommy’ hat above everything else.
Well, the time alone made me realize a lot of things.
- You can’t run away from your life’s challenges. You will have to face it no matter what. So if you are planning to have a quick escape (just like what I did), use it to think of your plans to resolve your problems. The travel per se will never diminish your problems and eventually, you will have to go back and fight against that.
- As much as it’s nice to travel on your own, I would choose to bring my kids along. It doesn’t matter if I get tired after too much running, but seeing them happy would definitely make the trip worthwhile.
Geez, and during my trip I forgot to bring my notebook. It’s hard for me to plan without jotting my ideas down. I wanted to buy one but just before I was able to see a local bookstore, I got a free notebook from an exhibit which I just spontaneously crashed. I then stayed near merlion and wrote my plans. The universe was asking me to plot my game plan, don’t you think? I might share it in the future and let’s see which ones I should tick off already.
Let’s just put it this way – Did I solve my problem by leaving the country? A BIG NO! But I was able to think of my plans on how I am going to resolve each one of them. Some of it? I decided to just stop solving, because they are useless.
It was a nice trip, but next time, I’m bringing my kids!