I Got Pregnant
I was 21 years old then.
Just turned 21.
On my last days of being 20, I was already imagining things and activities that a 21 – year – old can do. I was ready to experiment, get drunk, be bolder, be more independent.
But I guess there was a different road plotted for me.
And the World Literally Slowed Down
I took the pregnancy test during the working hours. That meant, I was in the office with my superiors. I knew that I ‘might’ be pregnant, but I try to shoo that thought away. I was just not ready.
When I felt the urge to use the restroom, I was feeling nervous. My hands were shaking but I had to face it. I needed to know.
2 clear lines!
Holy Mackerel! Positive.
My head felt heavier and I felt cold sweat from every inch of my body. I couldn’t say anything and I just left the cubicle, without throwing the kit in the trash bin. I lost focus and I just went to my best friend in the office. Obviously, she was in the right state of mind because she hurried immediately to the cubicle to clear up my mess.
I went to my desk and cried. My bosses knew, based from my reaction, that my life is about to change 9 months or less from that moment on.
I Can’t Hide the Baby Bump Anymore
My baby bump was getting bigger and the only person from my immediate family who knew my situation was my brother.
I had no intention of hiding my pregnancy, but it was a challenge to disclose it to my parents. I knew that I am going to break their hearts. But it would be twice the pain if they will hear the news from other people.
It was a family dinner in a restaurant when my dad teased that I was getting fat and that I might be pregnant. It was this joke that triggered me to tell the truth. Actually, I didn’t speak a word. I just cried.
What happened next crushed me.
My mom hugged me as if she was telling me that everything will be ok. My dad went silent, stood up and left the restaurant.
When he came back, he said words that made me want to break down. “Nagiisa kitang anak na babae, aalagaan ka namin.” You are my only daughter, we will take care of you.
The Thoughts in My Head
Surely I was not a perfect daughter, but I know that I didn’t give my parents much of a headache when I was still in school. I had good grades, bagged few awards and was part of the student leaders group in our school. I knew that somehow, I was a role model to my younger cousins. But because I got pregnant, I felt that my whole ‘good – girl’ reputation was tarnished (or am I just exaggerating thoughts then).
What will happen to my career? I loved my job back then. I was enjoying the corporate jungle and I was not ready to leave it just yet. However, my condition forced me to leave my job as it was not healthy for the baby. That made me pity myself even more.
What will happen to my physique? I do not have that model body, but I would like to think that my curves were my asset. But I was getting fat, I was getting stretch marks, my nose was getting bigger. This added to my semi – depression.
Where will I get money? I was broke. I left my job penniless and I am few months away from giving birth. I didn’t want to ask a lot from my parents. I just couldn’t do that.
My world was indeed turning upside down. But should I drown myself in that?
I had to pick myself up, think of ways how I could fight that depression, and think of ways on how I can resolve each of the issues that I was facing.
Getting Up while Gaining Baby Weight
I literally had a hard time lifting myself, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t get through my emotional and psychological challenges at that time. I was fortunate enough that my family and friends were supportive. That may have helped me in my personal struggles.
Support system is very important for situations like this. If you feel that you can’t get it from your friends and family, then there are groups where you can join and seek help. You can check online for blogs or communities that help each other to get up. But remember, your support system can only do so much. You will still have that final say if you want to help yourself. I am no – expert on this but allow me to share the things that I did to somehow, surpass that chapter in my life.
I accepted what happened
Can I turn back time?
I needed to accept that I got pregnant. I needed to accept that the life I dreamed about will have to change. It doesn’t have to downgrade, but it will be different.
The first step is to accept that it happened. Otherwise, you cannot move on.
- I may not be able to make it big in the corporate world, but I know that I can make it big somewhere.
- I may not get back my old body, but I can still look good.
- I may not have a lot of money, but I know I can get by.
I looked at my resources, searched for my strength and worked on it
I had my laptop at home. We had our internet connection. These were my resources.
I love to write. I am pretty opinionated. These are innate, I must say. *wink*
And it was the birth of ‘work from home jobs’. Oooh, opportunity!
I grabbed it.
I gave it a try and took my chance. Fortunately, I got hired and was able to save enough money for the hospital bills and my child’s christening. Not bad in a span of 6 months, right?
I am sure you have your own strong points. It may or may not give you money, but in the process of your recovery, I suggest that you work on it. You will eventually feel better by doing something that you are good at, and if you are quite lucky, get paid for it.
I am not saying that feeling bad, most specially in this situation is totally unacceptable. In fact, I would consider it normal. But always remember, you can’t undo the past. What you can do is to shape your future by doing what is best in the present…
I was doing well, earning enough. I even gave my son a simple yet very happy 1st Birthday Party.
Few weeks later I found out…
I WAS PREGNANT AGAIN.
Now, that calls for another post.
BA is a young mom of 2 wonderful kids. She has high ambitions and would like to touch hearts. If you wish to write her a message, please send it to firstname.lastname@example.org